12/8/10

Confessions of and unbalanced woman

I love that friends and family have picked up the confession sessions! I really love hearing your personal "shares" (or overshares as my hubby calls them) it makes me feel closer to y'all! I love that my cousin Mary started it or stole it from someone else, who knows! I love the title because I am unbalanced BUT I think I am changing my title because I found one that fits me better. Better than unbalanced you say? YES...... are you ready......
CONFESSIONS OF A WEAK BLADDERED WOMAN! Not a secret if you take my classes at the gym. No air jacks for me or I will pee my pants! 4 kids, 1 bladder and no Mastercard to do bladder surgery....you do the math! ANYWAY, Let the confessions commence......

1. Here is a real personal one..... after work outs I smell like a crouton! I don't know whether to gag or be hungry! It's gross. Some girls still smell good after a killer class but I am just going to say I work harder than ALL of them and I am totally NOT jealous or their pretty smell! :) Nothing a little spray can't mask!
2. I want to sing........ a solo......... and make people cry because it's sooooo good and they had no idea I could sing like that! Standing Ovation good! Alas I don't sing. When I do Juliet "shooshes" me....she's 2.
3. One day I will have enough money to fly all the mommies I love to a destination for a mommy weekend and pamper them and we will all wear matching track suits with our names on them and eat steak. There may or may not be a testimony meeting (all religions welcome....no politics just what you feel in your heart.) I think it will be a little like Oprah's favorite things show but on a smaller scale. I will sing a solo there! (I am thinking "On My Own" from Le Miserable)
4. I yell to much.
5. I kill plants. I don't mean to but I don't have a green thumb. Maybe if I watered them instead of Diet Coking them.
6. I secretly (not so secret now) want to live back in Utah....next door to my mom or in a compound with all my friends. No stupid UTAH girls aloud..... you know the kind.
7. I think I would abuse my kids if I moved back to Utah and I had to get them ready in snow clothes, and boots, and gloves and hats, and pack your shoes in your back packs. That makes me sweaty. (crouton anyone?)
8. I have to pee every time I go into a store. You can't take a full cart into the bathroom. You can't pee by your car in the parking lot. All of that adds to the yelling in #4.
9. I don't remember my previous confessions so I am afraid every time I do them I will repeat some. :( (It's probably early onset ahlsheimers)
10. I am always pretty sure I have a lot of things. Cancer, Parkinson's, Lou Gerick's (sp?), MS. In other words I always think the worst. Boo. A head ache is never a head ache. It is a brain tumor. Weak hands are MS and not a crazy hard bicep work out. I have cancer of everything. 2 weeks ago it was cancer of the labia.....turned out to be an ingrown hair, don't worry. WHY would I share that? Because I really want to work on this. 3 days of being OBSESSED with it. Driving people crazy (poor Brandon). Lessening what people who REALLY have these things are going through. Borrowing worry. Don't sweat the small stuff.....it really is just an ingrown hair!

9 comments:

Sharlynn said...

I am laughing so hard I too am wetting my pants. You crack me up and you are so real. I can relate to many of those like always. I can't wait for the mommy retreat and my matching sweatsuit outfit. I love your guts girl! Oh and I am glad you don't have cancer. Right now I think I have cancer in my neck, but no one else seems to agree. I am sure you understand.

Bickmommy said...

It's funny that you mentioned that others are following your lead on the confessions blog posts. In my shower this morning I decided that I was going to do one, and started going over in my head the things I would out in it. You have started a trend!!

cheri said...

hahahahaha!!! I too have cancer of everything and will likely develop an ulcer because I needlessly worry too much! So glad to hear I'm normal.

Shake-N-Bake said...

My, My, TMI? LOL... I love it! I love that you thought you had cancer of the labia and it was an ingrown hair! I also love your confessions and am happy I stole your idea! It is so entertaining and freeing... oversharing and all! Love you!

The Peterson's said...

You make me giggle! I too pee when I jump since having Cairo. And he is just one. I also kill plants. So many fun things!

Chubz said...

OH.MY.GOSH. You are HILARIOUS! Your nickname is now crouton...or labia, I can't decide which...I'll let you know.

Mandie said...

You make me smile =) Miss ya!

Brandon said...

I have cancer of the gut from laughing so hard! Even after fourteen years of marriage, and already knowing these things about you, you still make me laugh!

tashina said...

LOL in regards to #9 my mom calls them sometimers ;)